I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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