what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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