Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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