yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
