I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
