i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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