you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
