some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
