Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize