Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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