What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
