people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
