Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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