is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
