I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
