if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She even gives head with a lisp.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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