When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize