I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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