Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My vagina is very pro this idea
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
