I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
