i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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