I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize