He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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