It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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