Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
