bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
