So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
