nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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