i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
