it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
