Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize