Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
