I feel like abortions should bother me more
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
