in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
