Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
