see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize