So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
