where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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