She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
