Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i love accidental penises.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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