Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
