He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
