if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Randomize
