I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
