she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
