So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
