remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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