Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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