fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
