i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
