I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
be right there i have to get my cape
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
