you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
