if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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