i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
