It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
