We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
honey bunches of taint.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
