yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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