there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
