We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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