Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
