Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
