I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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