Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
