he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
