I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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