You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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