ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
