I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
