So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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