I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i would punch a child for taco bell
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
