NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had to cum in my sink.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize