She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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