Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
