is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
