so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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