My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
