Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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