you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
