wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
