if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize