Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
