THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The beer is more important than you right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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