I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
