Apparently you make a good broom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
