he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
