I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
