we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize