hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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