Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
