Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
