its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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