Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize