She's JV to your varsity
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
