I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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