What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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