ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
