Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
