Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
